ME AND PSYCHOLOGY
Today I tell you about the other me, the one who chose the university path of Psychology
The story will be short and concise, an ‘introduction to my choices and what I want to share ” me and psychology ” .
There are two things that have helped me and as I always say saved me. So this is the reason for my sharing psychology,art and my story with you.
One day my psychotherapist said to me, ” There are three reasons I push to study psychology:
1) Saving oneself,
2) Saving others,
3) For success. “
Of course, I reveal to you as of now that I wished to have an altruistic purpose, but I admit that this was not the case.
I also felt a little guilty about it.
That said, how could I expect to save, help others given my psychological, emotional and physical situation.
The emptiness, the chaos by concluding I had hit rock bottom.
How many of you have been in such situations? And how did they cope? Or are they still there?
So I made the choice to go back and retrace my life, dealing with the past and the present.
To rebuild myself. Only then could I in the future move to the second purpose.
But mind you, I didn’t really know how I was going to do it. I was drastic at first.
I did not have many other choices, I was not able to fulfill them, and lastly, I did not even have the strength:
I was bent in two.
I locked myself in my inner and outer room. I was unable to do anything else, and I knew that this was the only way I could fight my inner and outer demons.
I don’t know which ones were more dangerous, but I was certainly more afraid of those outside the door.
I had to find myself, my strength, heal the wounds, stitch them up and accept them.
I had to forgive, learn to love and protect myself.
It took two years of isolation to begin to put the pieces together.
Let’s go back, back to when I started my journey, back to when within a short time the illusion of my life vanished.
What are the building blocks?
1) Psychotherapeutic support,
2) Studies in psychology
3) Analogical, metaphorical, non-verbal modes: Painting.
I started with the first one. I got there, it was the last resort I had.
Do you want to know what condition I was in at the time?
I was in a well, cold, dark with no light. I was bent over, naked, in pain, with wounds, without strength and in despair, mental madness.
In the most deafening silence.
Let’s take a step back and coincidence.
Why is life mocking or a perfect design? What do you guys think?
I think maybe it’s a perfect design: just before I hit bottom and I was still living in ‘disguised illusion. I had chosen to ‘enroll in psychology college, a dream from the past that I carried in my drawer.
And then the other main moment:
The day of the ‘shout, the call.
As if something, someone was pushing me , pulling me, toward theaction of covering myself in black.
To take the earth, the darkest, deepest color .
To take what I was seeing, feeling inside of me And take it out.
To sprinkle it on my body, to drown in it, to sink into that inner darkness.
Well it was happening, I was bringing out my darkness. I was beginning to come out of the well, out of the deafening silence, out of the pain, out of the memories.
I was communicating, I was bringing out what was inside and on my body, what was in my mind.
I was unable to express myself in words, emotional illiteracy: alexithymia.
Instinct had just given me the keys to talk, communicate and take out .
The journey, the journey of art and psychology, was beginning.
Then I was unaware about the future, now I know what my purpose is.
Click here to see the first “Body” paintings